bodily functions in san fran, ctd.

So last week I graced you with the poopy part of san fran. If you have not read yet, please do...and as Miss Ashley of Kiwis and Cocktails said, bring a barf bag. (Thanks, Ash!)

Today you get our story from Friday night. It involves the other primary toilet function #1. Not really. Well, kindove.

So Friday evening, after Joe and I have walked several miles, we finally make our way to the evening's destination: The Punch Line Comedy Club San Francisco.

We get there early and I, of course, insist on sitting at a table in the front row.

Front row at comedy clubs brings me back to Wednesday nights at the Coogee Bay Comedy Club in Sydney and the time I was pulled up on stage and instructed to jump up and down... aah, that's another story.

Anyway, Back to San Fran... So I sit myself down front and center. Joe protests heavily, sitting several tables away for approximately 57 seconds before he realizes I am not moving. He begrudgingly joins me, saying "this is a very bad idea..."

We order a round of Coors Lights and wait patiently for the first act for a few minutes. Then, adult ADD sets in and we begin self photo shoot marathon:

After Take 47 Joe is bored of this game, so we move on to Hang Man.

Luckily we find some handy dandy scraps of yellow paper on the table... the front says something or other about subscribing to some email list... yaddah yaddah. More junk mail? Thanks, but no thanks.

The backside, however, is nice and blank.

Proceed Hang Man Round 1. 

I start and pick a nice easy word: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Right off the bat Joe gets _ E _ _ A _ I O.

Seriously, who picks all vowels off the bat??!!!

It's FELLATIO!

Shit, balls. How did he guess it?? 

Quick thinking on my part and I have a new word. He doesn't get BELLAGIO and I win!!!! Hooray.

Proceed Hang Man Round 2. 

Joe's turn: _ _ _ _ _ _   _ _ _ _ _ _

Not bragging or anything, but I'm a avid crossword puzzler and got an 800 on my SAT Verbal, so I easily guess GOLDEN SHOWER in a few turns... (I remember covering that one back in Junior Year, for sure) and we order another round of Coors Lights. 

My turn: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Joe gets: 

NECROPHILIA !!! He exclaims. (Apparently that shit's exciting to him.) A few heads turn. The opener hasn't come on yet and it's still pretty quiet.

Alright, my turn again: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Joe gets: C _ N N _ _ _ N _ _ _

He's apparently stumped. Really??? Well that's just great! I am about to give my opinion on this when the opener comes on. Joe is visibly relieved.

The comedians are pretty funny. I'm amused. We both have another round of Coors Lights, and then the headliner Al Madrigal comes on. We order one more Coors Light for good measure, to share...

Don't judge: there was a 2 drink/person minimum, we were on vacation, and bottled domestics were the only drink under $5. For shame.

This guy Al Madrigal was picking on a few people in the crowd... but not too bad. He mostly picked on the flaming gay group next to us. The San Fran crowd likes gay jokes... surprise!

It seems we're in the clear when there comes a pause in the act, and out of nowhere the comedian snatches my little yellow paper off our table.

Phew... he is just asking the audience to fill out his little thingers. Apparently you might win a CD of him, but wait.. there's more... you get free SPAM for life. (Sign me up!)

Then... he saw the back:

"Oh great. THIS COUPLE has decided to denigrate my property!"

Denigrate? Property? Really?? Not sure about your word choice, Mr. Madrigal.

He took one look at our table:

"I wonder what THEY'RE GOING TO DO TONIGHT??? Drinking Coors Lights? Getting all hot thinking about what they're gonna do later??? They're gonna go home and pee all over each other. Aren't YOU???"

In our defense, we did not, in fact, go home and pee on each other. Home was several hundred miles away.

BTW - Can you guess the word that stumped Joe? I sure hope so.