lowering expectations

I've been getting shit from some of my blog lovelies about how I never post anymore (though in my defense I'm an avid reader). Usually after not posting for several days weeks, I make a whole lot of excuses about how busy I've been - blah. blah. blah. 

Well, I have been busy. But after thoughtful consideration, I've decided I'm just going to skip the BS acting like I actually post regularly and just say why don't y'all expect to hear from me about once a month or so.. that why when/if I post more frequently you will be all jumping for joy and throwing a party and what have ya!

See what I'm doing? I'm lowering your expectations. I always feel it's better to set expectations low and be pleasantly surprised when they're exceeded than to have high expectations and be disappointed.

That's why birthdays and New Years Eve always suck. Expectations are way too high.

I have been trying to communicate this point to Joe lately, since he's gotten in the habit of setting my expectations too high.

One (PG-rated) example is the subject of when he's going to be home. Say, he tells me he's going to some "networking event" (aka Happy Hour) after work, and he'll be home by 7:00. So, I plan to be home around then so we can catch up, have dinner, relax, etc.

Well, say (hypothetically, of course) that 8:15 comes and he's still not home. At this point I am defintiely a cranky pants.  Actually, in truth, I'm a cranky pants by about 7:30. Come 8:15, the whole "etc." is definitely not going to be happening.

Best to just say "Honey, don't expect me until midnight." That way if he saunters in around 9:00 I'd be so excited I might just do a little jig... nakey...

Probably not, but you never know! Excitement is a funny emotion :-)

Anyway, now that your expectations of my blogging are much lower, let me share with you what I meant to a while back: Adventures in Pumpkin Carving.

It was a good time... minus a little weirdness over the whole - host is a recovering alcoholic and everyone else likes to enjoy a few adult beverages at a "party" - thing.

So obviously it was BYOB. No big deal.

But it was also BYOWG... yes that is BYO wine glass.

Now it's awkward enough bringing your own alcohol to a sober dude's pad... but your own wine glass??? Thank God for keg cups. (Did you know, by the way, that you can fit almost an entire bottle of wine into a keg cup? Just kidding. Kindove.)

There are benefits to this whole scenario too, though, like getting to take home all the leftover pumpkin beer if you're the last people to leave. Wouldn't want to leave any temptations lying around!

Here's the whole group of us...

...and here are our creations... Can you guess which pumpkin is mine??

YES... yes I did.

I wanted to leave my special pumpkin out for the Trick-or-Treaters, but it started to get moldy and collapse on itself. So, what started as a risque pumpkin featuring a sexy (albeit big-chinned) girl engaged in some sexytime turned into a pumpkin featuring a diseased dude sucking leper cock. (I hope I didn't just lose any readers... but seriously that's what it looked like.) 

After the pumpkin carving party, I had no time to mourn the transformation of my love-child because I was off to Orlando for the Ace Hardware convention.

The highlight of this tradeshow is always the Ace Party with a Purpose. I've blogged about it before (remember my Tina Turner wannabe performance at the Mardi Gras party?) but I've been looking forward to this fall's at Universal Studios Island of Adventure sooo stinkin' much I wasn't even (that) sad about missing Halloween celebrations last Saturday.

Given the theme of this post, I probably should not have set my expectations for Island of Adventure so high... but seriously, it was AMAZING beyond expectations. (Universal Studios 1-Boyfriend 0).

Unlimited access to all the coolest rides with NO LINES... AND and open bar! Soooo FUN!

(Sidenote: Rollercoasters + Open Bar = NOT FUN for the 8 year old boy who got puked on by some drunk guy.)

But the BEST PART (besides the open bar, of course) was... OH HELLO the NEW Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

Actually, who am I kidding, Harry Potter World was TOTALLY better than the free drinks. I know, I'm a HUGE nerd. Just call me POTTERPHILE..

Of course, after all my talk of Hogwarts and Hippograffs and Wingardium Leviosa spells and Dementors and Gillyweed and Butterbeer my dad and coworker/friend thought I was a bit loopy. Fair assumption. But if you haven't obsessed over read the books, don't judge.

I assume I wasn't the only one who devoured the books and waited for hours in line for every new movie release because a midnight Harry Potter showing was a rare opportunity to hold hands slash thighs with your Mormon crush in 9th grade.

Just me? Weird.

Seriously, if you have the chance to go, GooOOO!!!!

Flying on a broomstick drunky through a magical world is un-freakin-believably AMAZING.

That is, of course, until the next day if you have to be up by 6AM and in a booth HUNGOVER for 11 hours dressed up on Halloween Eve. Of course, I set my expectations low so it wasn't too terrible. Actually, after a few bottles of water it was kinda fun... as fun as wearing nylons, fishnets, spankies, and a wig in 90 degree weather can be, anyway.

See? That's me, totally having fun. With a crooked wig. I may have still been cross-eyed when I put it on. I hope no one expected us to look really good or anything :-)