GO NUTS!

It's been over three weeks since my mom's big 50th birthday party I planned... you know, the one I was going nuts over!

Like I said, I have a new found respect for all of you ladies who have planned your own weddings. Invites, guest list, caterer, tents, heaters, food prep, bar prep, balloons, band, bartenders, kegs, decorations, cake, entertainment... it was almost more than this girl can handle!
 
Just about now, I can finally relax and share the sparkle unicorn awesomeness of the celebration with y'all.

Well I have to say, it went off without a hitch... unless you count the creepy old neighbor who wouldn't stop talking about his "little pecker" and his ex-wife's "stinky pu$$y" in front of my 5th grade teacher (so embarrassing) and me. But I digress...

One of the very last things I arranged for the party was the birthday cake. I did not want it to be BORING, but I was struggling with ideas.

If I lived in New York I would've just called on Miss Summer to come up with something, since *super awesome* is like standard for her cakes. A girl can dream...

So I thought of the Erotic Bakery in Seattle... you know the type of place where bridesmaids and bachelors galore flock to procure tasty desserts flaunting boobies and penises (penii?). However, call me crazy but I didn't think their "big black cock" special would be appropriate for the fifty plus crowd.

When I ran the erotic bakery idea by my dad, he agreed. "Not kosher". But he thought maybe they could do something else funny. Of course he was mum when it came to actually helping in that department.

So I got to brainstorming... and I thought about my mom and her squirrels:

And then I remembered a funny picture I had seen awhile back online:

And then it came to me!!!! A squirrel with NUTS!

Not too tacky... not like a porn-star penis or an old lady vagina... but a cartoon squirrel with large testicles.

I have to say, the girls at the erotic bakery were amazing. They knew just want I wanted. Well pretty much. They didn't know if I wanted a penis on the squirrel... probably because I was unable to answer that question. I hemmed and hawed over this dilemma for a good three minutes.

Penis? No penis? Penis? No penis?

Finally settled on a little penis. Good compromise.

Feeling pretty confident about my decision, I called up my dad and reported to him on the details of the cake. He was not happy, so I had to call up the girls at the shop and instruct them to ix-nay the penis-ay on the squirrel.

She says, "Roger that. No penis. Just large balls."

Well, here is the lovechild of my brain nuggets:

Amazing, no?

Funny story... my mom definitely asked where the penis was. Go figure!

The rest of the party was pretty fabulous also... I mean, besides the cake. My good buddy Jesse was working magic behind a full open bar, and thanks to the fabulous finger foods by Lynn's Bistro, almost everyone was able to keep it together, dancing to the Beatniks and singing karaoke until the early morning hours.

I mean, for a bunch of old fogies, I think my folks and co know how to party!

go! go! go!!!

.. story of my life!

I feel just like this:

POOPED!

The last month has just flown by! There were friends in town, weddings, concerts, dinners, softball games, happy hours, road-trips, trade-shows, birthday parties, doggy birthday parties... 

... which equals a lot of FUN!

And also, a lot TO DO.

Never-ending piles of laundry, loads of dishes, suitcases to pack/unpack, doggy poop to scoop, groceries to buy, photos to upload ...blah. Blah. BLAH.

I just got back from a work trip to Minneapolis Tuesday night... BTW, I like Minneapolis. It's a strange city, I think. Strangely clean, for sure! Strangely quiet, too... I mean, for a city. They have above-ground walkways that connect all the buildings apparently for when its 40 below in the winter. They have an amazing pub called Brit's with lawn golf and movies on the roof, and the best Tuna Melt I've ever had. Oh, and they have a PEDAL PUB.

This is amazing. I want one.

The only thing is you actually have to pedal while drinking... on a bicycle seat. Or else it's just a stationary beer wagon, I guess. The whole exercising thing might get old... Nevertheless, I'm thinking of bringing these to Seattle. Just saying.

So anyway, last night was date night and we went to the Can Can and saw the Castaways cabaret show. If you're ever in Seattle, I highly recommend it. It's simply amazing.

Here's a trailer of sorts for the Can Can... probably not work appropriate, unless you're boss is cool with occasional pasties shots accompanied by uncensored Outkast.



Not only are their acts hilarious and entertaining, but some are divinely beautiful. This one has no pasties, I promise.



I think they could be on SYTYCD.

After the show and several drinkys (I always say "drinkys" ... I think it sounds much cuter than drinks, especially when combined with several) I insisted on street meat. This seems to be a pattern :-)

Nothing like a $5 Veggie Dog smothered in cream cheese, grilled onions and jalapenos to end the night. MMmmm... It always seems like a good idea at the time, anyway.

Well, Joe only had just enough cash, and being a gentleman, he said that's okay, he didn't want  one anyway (of course he did!) and paid for mine. (That's Joe for ya... being all classy at a hot-dog stand!)

Well, I managed to convince the nice man making my dog to make Joe one too, and I didn't even have to give him my Idaho hat! Major WIN.

This weekend we have more big plans. We're heading to the Gorge to see Dave Matthews tomorrow. Nice little 10th grade throwback. I fully expect to see some finger banging action and lots of Vodka water bottles. I'm taking Ashley's word for it, since I have no memories of my own high school DMB experiences. Weird.

Then we're spending the rest of the weekend at Suncadia Resort for a dear friend's wedding. I've never been there, but Kelsey says it is amazing.

Obviously, we're bringing the dogs. Homie is ready to party!

Speaking of parties, did I mention I've been planning a BIG Birthday Party for my fabulous mom?

She's turning 50!!!

So I made this little invitation and sent it to a couple hundred people...

I even invited an awesome band!

Well, the big day is coming up... and let me just say, this whole party planning shit is exhausting. I have a new found respect for all of y'all that plan your own weddings.

Anyway, I will leave you with this:

Curious?

happy freakin bday

It has been forever and EVER since I've really shared.. and I have no clue where to start! So how bout something that I'm not particularly excited about has nothing to do with me...

It's my lil sissy's 25th birthday Friday and we're she's going to *Vegas* . YAYYY!!!

Without me.

I don't know why she didn't want me to join her entourage in Vegas?? I  mean, with my gambling prowess and peer pressure abilities combined with my affinity for strip clubs and tipsy VIP haggling skills, I'm a no brainer choice for the invite list.

But whatever, I'm going to San Fran this weekend anyway...

*Trying to convince myself that San Fran trumps Vegas. MEH.*

Still, I'm a good sister so I got the birthday girl a lil' sumpin sumpin today. You likey??

This card (so appropriate):

This scarf: 

And some Bling (not to be confused with Blog Bling):

This bottom necklace I got at Macy's for $34.95 - 65% off of $100. Score!

I may or may not have left the $100 tag on. Boy will she be surprised when she tries to bring it back with the gift receipt!!! mwahahaha ;-)

Anyway, Happy Freakin' Birthday Sister.

I love you, and hope you lose all your money and dignity have a great time in Vegas without me.

oh, college (weekend)

Well Hello, blogger friends!!! I don't know about everyone else, but it has been a CRAZY week... so hard to find the time to catch up with y'all!!!

My weekend was quite eventful... actually, exhausting. Far too much making party... but it was fun. But it's Tuesday Wednesday, and I'm still exhausted, and most definitely coming down with something. However, we had some a-mazing times. I think it was worth it... you guys can decide for yourself.

FRIDAY was my friend Digga's 30th Birthday Party, hosted at Q Cafe with a BLACK and WHITE theme (so much fun!!!). It was only $20 for 4 hours of OPEN BAR (yes, seriously!) with yummy food, cupcakes, kegs, wine, cocktails, and about 70 of his closest friends. Doesn't get much better than that!!!

Here I am with a few of my girlfriends:

Here's a better close up of my dress, which I found at Loehmann's for $49, marked down from $158. Score!!! :-) 

The open bar ended at midnight, so we all headed out to Rob Roy in Belltown. At this point there were still about fifteen people from the party, including my friend Jen, Ashley, Joe and I.

Well... umm... we closed down the bar. Good work. THEN four of us (Joe and I included) made our way to my apartment where we planned to crash... when it was like FATE.STEPPED.IN and we got in the elevator with four peeps who were heading to a CHRISTMAS PARTY on the 5th Floor at 2:15 AM. Anyone see where this is headed?

College Late-Night!!!!

Umm, yeah. Somehow I convinced Joe and our two guests that "we were invited" to this party on the 5th floor, and we should TOTALLY go... because OMG it would be fun. (For the record, we were NOT actually invited.) Umm yeah.... so we crashed a stranger's Christmas party. Seriously.

BTW remember I am wearing a party dress (we all were in Black Tie attire) so I'm feeling pretty fun. Did I mention I love dress up? :-) 

I promptly sit down around a table of 7 people... they are clearly like who the f* is this? And this little chihuahua jumps up in my lap... I'm not a little dog person, but the dog is more interesting than the people, and I'm flattered the dog joins me, so I'm petting it. Then some snatch-face chick (apparently toy dog's owner) doesn't like this, and desperately grabs the dog from my lap.

Snatch-Face: My dog does not like you.

Me: That's not what she told me... (REALLY, I said this!)

Snatch-Face: Well "Princess" is very particular..

Me: Well maybe you should stop treating your dog like a toy.

*awkward silence*

After that, things got much better. I actually made friends, haha... although I probably could have gone without trying to convince the host that he should let me go get Bondi...

"He's just right downstairs. I SWEAR you'll LOVE him, and he won't eat Princess!!!"

Finally around 5 AM everyone else started having a "Kumbaya" guitar session and apparently we were interrupting the peace and love jam... or something That is when we were escorted out, literally.

All in all, the fact that we crashed a party and weren't made to leave until almost 3 hours later... well I consider that a TOTAL WIN!!!! :-)

SATURDAY we had no real plans... one of our girlfriends came over and the Joe, her and I ended up going to get Brunch (around 2 PM!! does that still count?) at Buckley's. The Duke-Gonzaga Basketball game was on so there was nowhere to sit, except this one table next to a bunch of kids wearing Duke shirts who were "saving the table" in a packed restaurant for their friends that weren't there yet. (RUDE?)

Anyway, I'm not crazy for my alma mater, remember? But I thought, "let's not cause a fight now". So in my most sweetest hungover voice I said, "Does it make a difference if I went to DUKE?" And guess what, it did!! This shouldn't be a surprise, since Duke peeps are so.much.better. than everyone else. Whatever, I went with it... we got our table.

Well this is freakin' crazy: The guys in the Duke jerseys say they recognize me... asked me what year I was... etc. We went through the whole name-game (name-dropping: a favorite activity of Dukies..) Turns out my roommate Lucy and I "worked" their DTD progressive when he was rushing. Basically that means we dressed up slutty and hazed rushes... made them drink...etc.

Umm, I barely remember going to this party, but not only did this guy remember... he pulled up a freakin' picture of it on his iPhone. I kid you not!!!

Then these texts (not altered for grammar) transpired between 3 or so-mimosas deep me and my Duke roomie Lucy:

Me: Dude I'm at a bar for mimosas and brunch (at 3 ahah) and ust ran into a bunch of dukies that apparently live here and omg one of em said u and lucy worked my room at teh dtd party he was a rush 08. Apparently we made a lasting impression cuz he said u guys stayed awhile and then left to go to another party hahhahahaha
Lucy: hahahah yea we left to go to delta sig I think. can't believe we made such a lasting impression.

Umm, so I just found on Facebook, the pic the guy pulled up on his iPhone looked something like this...

...which I thought was hilarious and promptly showed Joe. PS - notice Bondi in the background? Yup, he has always come everywhere with me! :-)

Oh, college.

Anyway, the rest of the afternoon/evening continued to be very college, and went something like:
Pyramid Brewery. Airport trip to pick up sister (no driving for me though!). Pyramid Brewery, again. Crashing another Christmas party, except we were *kinda* invited this time. Playing Foosball - so much fun. Getting tipsy butt kicked at Foosball. Drinking a random concoction of Christmas beverages.. gross. Staying out way.too.late. again.

And then SUNDAY I went to the Hawks Game with my girl Ashley!!! She invited me and it was so.much.fun. The seats were ridiculously amazing, see:

It was an amazing time!! I will just say that, without any more details :-)

'Twas a very fun, very college weekend. But I think I have realized... much body is just too old for so many beverages and so little sleep.