merry christmas and happy new year!

The holidays get a little nutty around here, and I have lots of funnies to share.

Like how at my Grandparents' house on Christmas Eve we all gathered to read the birth story of Christ, and my uncle kept reading beyond the whole manger scene to circumcision story... specifically, he explained that when the penis was snipped the baby was named... "Oh Jesus." 

Or like how at my work Christmas party, my sister asked my coworker's (15 year junior) girlfriend if her "Daddy" was a good Santa Claus. In her defense, it was an honest mistake ;-)

But for now, I'll leave you with the holiday cards we scored from Shutterfly!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

hello, december!

Wowzas, November was gone in the blink of an eye!

We spent last week with my family in Cabo, narrowly escaping the blizzard 4" of snow that shut down Seattle.

Seriously... schools closed, cars abandoned on the freeway, city on lock down. Yeah, we don't get a lot of snow in these parts...

When we touched down in Seattle on Monday night, sun burnt and clad in shorts and flip-flops, I was greeted by freezing rain. To offset this major kick in the ass, I had to immediately do a switcharoo to Christmas mode.

So I was very productive Christmas shopping online at work on Tuesday and Wednesday, and then yesterday my computer got a nasty virus, requiring me to take the day off.

So while my computer was being poked and prodded by the computer doctor, I was playing domestic diva, shopping for Christmas decorations, tidying up the house, and even shaving my legs!!

Oh, and Bondi and Homie and I picked out our very own Christmas tree!!! (This certainly beats last year, when Joe tried to pass off a Rosemary Bush as a Douglas Fir... Now, I'm no Martha Stewart, but when after dinner half our "Christmas Tree" was gone, I started to wonder...)

Once we got the tree into the house, though, the pups and I had to have a little discussion. I told them:

IF you lift your leg on mama's tree, 
you're getting COAL in your stockings.

Good talk.

Today, the pups were very sweet to me...They obviously must know it's my birthday (woohoo... more grey hairs) because they got me the BEST PRESENT EVER.


The gift of humiliation.

Oh, pups. You made my (birth)day!!!

Before I go back to refreshing my Facebook wall every 2 minutes to see if anyone else has left me a birthday message work, I want to leave you with something I heard on the radio this morning:

• 25% of women say their dog is a better listener than their spouse
• 13% of women would rather talk to their dog than their spouse

Thoughts? :-)

ceiling fans are the new crack!

This past weekend, when Joe and I were in Idaho for the notorious BSU game (more on that later), Homie made many friends. Among them, his most favorite was by far this ceiling fan.

The ceiling fan and Homie spent many special hours together.

As you can see, ceiling fan plays hard to get. 

And Homie longs for ceiling fan. 

Craves it... like CRACK.  

In all seriousness, this craziness had been going on for about 20 minutes before I finally got out my camera to document.

Please excuse my snorting on the video. 

I'm not proud of it. 

Or my neurotic dog.

Thinking it may be time to call in Cesar, because this most definitely is not "balanced" behavior.

UPDATE: I'm saved!

You know that horrible dilemma I was having earlier today?

Well don't you worry! I will not have a lidocained labia, after all!

I've been SAVED (from the horror or having to go buy tampons) by my amazing mom, *~*the tampon fairy*~*

Yes, the tampon fairy delivered a grocery store sized bag of tampons to her full grown daughter at work. Discretely, of course, lest anyone know said daughter had any need for such thing. 

(And yes, I recognize I'm talking about myself in the third person here. Cut me some slack... this is a touchy subject!)

Apparently mom has accepted that she no longer has any use for these felt really sorry for her 26 year old daughter who, according to some, "seriously need[s] to seek help regarding [her] reticence to purchase feminine products in (gasp!) a store!"

Yeah, I'll get right on that! Swearsies. 

But for now, it looks like I'll be good for the next year or so... and Joe's off the hook!

HELP: WebMD doesn't cover this...

I have a BIG PROBLEM.

My last two tampons are covered in Nyquil. See?

I mean, just a little bit of NyQuil...

It apparently leaked in my suitcase (which I still haven't unpacked from Orlando - for shame!) and spilled onto my last two tampons.

So... I just need to know if it's still safe to use them? Seriously... (kindove)

Because there is NOTHING worse than going to the store to buy just tampons. 

(Except that one time my ex came to visit me in Australia and he came down with a terrible case of diarrhea and implored me to go buy him Immodium and so I did and then my credit card was rejected. That may have been worse.)

I mean, I can handle buying tampons at Costco because there at least it's not like the cashier is sitting there thinking about how your bleeding out of your lady parts.

But a trip to the mini mart for tampons... I CAN'T DO IT.

If I can just make it through today with a little bit of NyQuil-laced coverage... (What's the worst that can happen???) I can make a detour to mom's to restock after work.

Thankfully, my mom hasn't yet come to the terms with the fact that she's going through menopause and still stocks her cupboards with tampons. So I just "shop" there when I must.

And then, tonight Joe and I can have a talk about progressing our relationship.

We already live together, have a dog together, and have a joint credit card. So, if we're not going to get engaged... I feel like the obvious next step is him buying me tampons. Right?

If he disagrees, I guess we'll be making a trip to Costco tonight!

merry christmas (don't kill wolves!)

If you hang around these parts, you probably know I'm a huge animal lover. Well, awhile back I made the mistake of making a small donation to one of my favorite charities, Defenders of Wildlife.  They apparently sold my information to every NPO from here to Djibouti (thanks for that) and now my mailbox overflows with a plethora of junk from every conceivable organization.

Most of it goes straight into the fireplace while I consider the irony of all the resources these (mostly) environmental organizations waste in their solicitations. But the other night I held onto an offer for personalized Holiday cards featuring endangered wolves.

The Gray Wolf is like my kindred spirit.
(Don't laugh. I love them.)

So I was pretty pretty devastated when I learned that wolf hunting was legalized in Idaho and Montana in 2009.

It was a controversial topic of conversation during visits to Idaho with the boyfriend. His friends and family had mixed opinions, but I knew it would be bad... and it was. It decimated the wolf population and thankfully this year they are back on the protected list.

No more hunting wolves!!!

Anyway, I talked with the boyfriend and he was super excited about the prospect of sending Save the Wolves holiday cards out to all his friends and family in Idaho.

I kid... I kid. He thought it was not very *in the holiday spirit* and suggested I look for something else.

Well the Universe must be on his side, because the very next day I stumbled upon this post by Miss DSS. Apparently, Shutterfly is doing a fabulous promotion giving away 50 free holiday cards to bloggers! Seriously.

While I don't think Shutterfly has any sexy "Save the Wolves" cards, they have something maybe even better: Personalized Christmas Photo Cards!

So instead of showcasing Canis lupis, I think boyfriend and I are going to go with Canis bondi and Canis homie.

Shutterfly has an amazing selection of Christmas Cards to choose from. Two of my favorites:

Of course, photos of these cute little kiddos would be replaced with ones of my *cuter* little pups.

And no worries... if you're Jewish, Muslim, atheist, politically correct, etc. Shutterfly has a wonderful selection of Holiday Cards to choose from as well!

To get 50 free cards from Shutterfly with your own blog, go here.

lowering expectations

I've been getting shit from some of my blog lovelies about how I never post anymore (though in my defense I'm an avid reader). Usually after not posting for several days weeks, I make a whole lot of excuses about how busy I've been - blah. blah. blah. 

Well, I have been busy. But after thoughtful consideration, I've decided I'm just going to skip the BS acting like I actually post regularly and just say why don't y'all expect to hear from me about once a month or so.. that why when/if I post more frequently you will be all jumping for joy and throwing a party and what have ya!

See what I'm doing? I'm lowering your expectations. I always feel it's better to set expectations low and be pleasantly surprised when they're exceeded than to have high expectations and be disappointed.

That's why birthdays and New Years Eve always suck. Expectations are way too high.

I have been trying to communicate this point to Joe lately, since he's gotten in the habit of setting my expectations too high.

One (PG-rated) example is the subject of when he's going to be home. Say, he tells me he's going to some "networking event" (aka Happy Hour) after work, and he'll be home by 7:00. So, I plan to be home around then so we can catch up, have dinner, relax, etc.

Well, say (hypothetically, of course) that 8:15 comes and he's still not home. At this point I am defintiely a cranky pants.  Actually, in truth, I'm a cranky pants by about 7:30. Come 8:15, the whole "etc." is definitely not going to be happening.

Best to just say "Honey, don't expect me until midnight." That way if he saunters in around 9:00 I'd be so excited I might just do a little jig... nakey...

Probably not, but you never know! Excitement is a funny emotion :-)

Anyway, now that your expectations of my blogging are much lower, let me share with you what I meant to a while back: Adventures in Pumpkin Carving.

It was a good time... minus a little weirdness over the whole - host is a recovering alcoholic and everyone else likes to enjoy a few adult beverages at a "party" - thing.

So obviously it was BYOB. No big deal.

But it was also BYOWG... yes that is BYO wine glass.

Now it's awkward enough bringing your own alcohol to a sober dude's pad... but your own wine glass??? Thank God for keg cups. (Did you know, by the way, that you can fit almost an entire bottle of wine into a keg cup? Just kidding. Kindove.)

There are benefits to this whole scenario too, though, like getting to take home all the leftover pumpkin beer if you're the last people to leave. Wouldn't want to leave any temptations lying around!

Here's the whole group of us...

...and here are our creations... Can you guess which pumpkin is mine??

YES... yes I did.

I wanted to leave my special pumpkin out for the Trick-or-Treaters, but it started to get moldy and collapse on itself. So, what started as a risque pumpkin featuring a sexy (albeit big-chinned) girl engaged in some sexytime turned into a pumpkin featuring a diseased dude sucking leper cock. (I hope I didn't just lose any readers... but seriously that's what it looked like.) 

After the pumpkin carving party, I had no time to mourn the transformation of my love-child because I was off to Orlando for the Ace Hardware convention.

The highlight of this tradeshow is always the Ace Party with a Purpose. I've blogged about it before (remember my Tina Turner wannabe performance at the Mardi Gras party?) but I've been looking forward to this fall's at Universal Studios Island of Adventure sooo stinkin' much I wasn't even (that) sad about missing Halloween celebrations last Saturday.

Given the theme of this post, I probably should not have set my expectations for Island of Adventure so high... but seriously, it was AMAZING beyond expectations. (Universal Studios 1-Boyfriend 0).

Unlimited access to all the coolest rides with NO LINES... AND and open bar! Soooo FUN!

(Sidenote: Rollercoasters + Open Bar = NOT FUN for the 8 year old boy who got puked on by some drunk guy.)

But the BEST PART (besides the open bar, of course) was... OH HELLO the NEW Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

Actually, who am I kidding, Harry Potter World was TOTALLY better than the free drinks. I know, I'm a HUGE nerd. Just call me POTTERPHILE..

Of course, after all my talk of Hogwarts and Hippograffs and Wingardium Leviosa spells and Dementors and Gillyweed and Butterbeer my dad and coworker/friend thought I was a bit loopy. Fair assumption. But if you haven't obsessed over read the books, don't judge.

I assume I wasn't the only one who devoured the books and waited for hours in line for every new movie release because a midnight Harry Potter showing was a rare opportunity to hold hands slash thighs with your Mormon crush in 9th grade.

Just me? Weird.

Seriously, if you have the chance to go, GooOOO!!!!

Flying on a broomstick drunky through a magical world is un-freakin-believably AMAZING.

That is, of course, until the next day if you have to be up by 6AM and in a booth HUNGOVER for 11 hours dressed up on Halloween Eve. Of course, I set my expectations low so it wasn't too terrible. Actually, after a few bottles of water it was kinda fun... as fun as wearing nylons, fishnets, spankies, and a wig in 90 degree weather can be, anyway.

See? That's me, totally having fun. With a crooked wig. I may have still been cross-eyed when I put it on. I hope no one expected us to look really good or anything :-)

GO NUTS!

It's been over three weeks since my mom's big 50th birthday party I planned... you know, the one I was going nuts over!

Like I said, I have a new found respect for all of you ladies who have planned your own weddings. Invites, guest list, caterer, tents, heaters, food prep, bar prep, balloons, band, bartenders, kegs, decorations, cake, entertainment... it was almost more than this girl can handle!
 
Just about now, I can finally relax and share the sparkle unicorn awesomeness of the celebration with y'all.

Well I have to say, it went off without a hitch... unless you count the creepy old neighbor who wouldn't stop talking about his "little pecker" and his ex-wife's "stinky pu$$y" in front of my 5th grade teacher (so embarrassing) and me. But I digress...

One of the very last things I arranged for the party was the birthday cake. I did not want it to be BORING, but I was struggling with ideas.

If I lived in New York I would've just called on Miss Summer to come up with something, since *super awesome* is like standard for her cakes. A girl can dream...

So I thought of the Erotic Bakery in Seattle... you know the type of place where bridesmaids and bachelors galore flock to procure tasty desserts flaunting boobies and penises (penii?). However, call me crazy but I didn't think their "big black cock" special would be appropriate for the fifty plus crowd.

When I ran the erotic bakery idea by my dad, he agreed. "Not kosher". But he thought maybe they could do something else funny. Of course he was mum when it came to actually helping in that department.

So I got to brainstorming... and I thought about my mom and her squirrels:

And then I remembered a funny picture I had seen awhile back online:

And then it came to me!!!! A squirrel with NUTS!

Not too tacky... not like a porn-star penis or an old lady vagina... but a cartoon squirrel with large testicles.

I have to say, the girls at the erotic bakery were amazing. They knew just want I wanted. Well pretty much. They didn't know if I wanted a penis on the squirrel... probably because I was unable to answer that question. I hemmed and hawed over this dilemma for a good three minutes.

Penis? No penis? Penis? No penis?

Finally settled on a little penis. Good compromise.

Feeling pretty confident about my decision, I called up my dad and reported to him on the details of the cake. He was not happy, so I had to call up the girls at the shop and instruct them to ix-nay the penis-ay on the squirrel.

She says, "Roger that. No penis. Just large balls."

Well, here is the lovechild of my brain nuggets:

Amazing, no?

Funny story... my mom definitely asked where the penis was. Go figure!

The rest of the party was pretty fabulous also... I mean, besides the cake. My good buddy Jesse was working magic behind a full open bar, and thanks to the fabulous finger foods by Lynn's Bistro, almost everyone was able to keep it together, dancing to the Beatniks and singing karaoke until the early morning hours.

I mean, for a bunch of old fogies, I think my folks and co know how to party!

Want a FREE Bed? Live in New Jersey/New York?

We interrupt my regularly scheduled blogging to bring you this PSA.

(Who am I kidding? With my mom's big 50th coming up TOMORROW, my only semblance of a schedule right meow includes *stress* pull hair out* repeat* but I digress...)

Do you live near Closter New Jersey? That pretty much includes everyone in New York, right?

If so, do you - or does anyone you know - want a FREE Twin Size Modeno Bed from Costco?

All the bed info is here.

I know this is totally random, but my family's company makes this furniture. (I may have mentioned it before...) A customer purchased it and then changed her mind and now we either find someone who wants it (FREE!!!) or we have to pay to ship it back ($$$) so our loss is your gain. All you would have to do is pick up the bed (new and in its original packaging) in Closter, NJ.

I would ask all my DUKIES, since graduation was pretty much an exodus to New York city, but I'm pretty sure at 25+ we should all be sleeping in a little bigger beds now :-)

This bed is perfect for a little one, so ask around and let me know.

First one who wants it gets it!

PS: re: homie

Oh, I forgot to mention... my lovely pup Homie is totally ADORABLE. And also apparently feeling totally exhausted too.

Anyone feel like taking a nap??

words i never thought i'd say....

I said it.

Words I never thought I'd say.

I'm so glad NOT to be going to... 

LAS VEGAS 

this weekend.

I know, I know, I'm old... and lame... and exhausted.

But it's just too much right now. I can't do it.

A long long time ago I booked tickets for Joe and I to go here:

Because I knew we wouldn't want SUMMER to be over... and hoped to do maybe some of this:

... and some of that:

And then, last week, Joe came to me with this *I just kicked your puppy* look, and I knew it was gonna be bad.... and he said:

I really don't think we should go to Vegas... it's too much, we've been going non-stop... I don't wanna go.

And so I did what any girl would do who is blatantly not getting her way. I huffed and puffed and stamped my feet and pouted and blamed his work and his stress and blah blah blah.

I was a real gem. 

And now, I am eating my words.

So I just thought I'd share that:

Joe was totally right.  
And I was wrong.  
He made the best (uni-lateral) decision ever. 

And I can't promise those words will ever find their way here again either :-)

So this weekend.. I don't know what we're going to do. Hopefully a whole lot of nothing. Though to be honest, we already have a BBQ and a double header softball game and possibly camping (Joe's idea, of course) planned. That's a "relaxing" weekend for us. Just sayin...

go! go! go!!!

.. story of my life!

I feel just like this:

POOPED!

The last month has just flown by! There were friends in town, weddings, concerts, dinners, softball games, happy hours, road-trips, trade-shows, birthday parties, doggy birthday parties... 

... which equals a lot of FUN!

And also, a lot TO DO.

Never-ending piles of laundry, loads of dishes, suitcases to pack/unpack, doggy poop to scoop, groceries to buy, photos to upload ...blah. Blah. BLAH.

I just got back from a work trip to Minneapolis Tuesday night... BTW, I like Minneapolis. It's a strange city, I think. Strangely clean, for sure! Strangely quiet, too... I mean, for a city. They have above-ground walkways that connect all the buildings apparently for when its 40 below in the winter. They have an amazing pub called Brit's with lawn golf and movies on the roof, and the best Tuna Melt I've ever had. Oh, and they have a PEDAL PUB.

This is amazing. I want one.

The only thing is you actually have to pedal while drinking... on a bicycle seat. Or else it's just a stationary beer wagon, I guess. The whole exercising thing might get old... Nevertheless, I'm thinking of bringing these to Seattle. Just saying.

So anyway, last night was date night and we went to the Can Can and saw the Castaways cabaret show. If you're ever in Seattle, I highly recommend it. It's simply amazing.

Here's a trailer of sorts for the Can Can... probably not work appropriate, unless you're boss is cool with occasional pasties shots accompanied by uncensored Outkast.



Not only are their acts hilarious and entertaining, but some are divinely beautiful. This one has no pasties, I promise.



I think they could be on SYTYCD.

After the show and several drinkys (I always say "drinkys" ... I think it sounds much cuter than drinks, especially when combined with several) I insisted on street meat. This seems to be a pattern :-)

Nothing like a $5 Veggie Dog smothered in cream cheese, grilled onions and jalapenos to end the night. MMmmm... It always seems like a good idea at the time, anyway.

Well, Joe only had just enough cash, and being a gentleman, he said that's okay, he didn't want  one anyway (of course he did!) and paid for mine. (That's Joe for ya... being all classy at a hot-dog stand!)

Well, I managed to convince the nice man making my dog to make Joe one too, and I didn't even have to give him my Idaho hat! Major WIN.

This weekend we have more big plans. We're heading to the Gorge to see Dave Matthews tomorrow. Nice little 10th grade throwback. I fully expect to see some finger banging action and lots of Vodka water bottles. I'm taking Ashley's word for it, since I have no memories of my own high school DMB experiences. Weird.

Then we're spending the rest of the weekend at Suncadia Resort for a dear friend's wedding. I've never been there, but Kelsey says it is amazing.

Obviously, we're bringing the dogs. Homie is ready to party!

Speaking of parties, did I mention I've been planning a BIG Birthday Party for my fabulous mom?

She's turning 50!!!

So I made this little invitation and sent it to a couple hundred people...

I even invited an awesome band!

Well, the big day is coming up... and let me just say, this whole party planning shit is exhausting. I have a new found respect for all of y'all that plan your own weddings.

Anyway, I will leave you with this:

Curious?

fun at subway in arlington

Just poppin' in for a quick story time, then it's back to work counting down the minutes to seafair and refreshing weather.com every 12 minutes imploring the weekend forecast to improve. What's seafair? only the most amazing time of the year in Seattle... better than christmas! More on that later.

About last night.

So my lil bro Gabe and I were on our way back from sarvey after 5 hours of fun times with wild animals. I managed to make it out of there with only a little raccoon shit in my hair, so it was a good night.

We pulled up to Subway for dinner at 9:58 pm, just two minutes before they closed. We still had a good hour long drive ahead of us. Gabe and I wait patiently to order our subs while, likely reeking of God knows what... but then (I kid you not) the large man in front of us orders his sub: white bread, cheddar cheese, olives, ranch dressing and 3 chocolate chip cookies IN THE SUB. *Don't think that's what Jared had in mind... just saying*

The kids behind the counter were struggling to keep it together, as were we. ... Strangely this made me feel a little bit better about our smell :-)

Anyway, we get our sandwiches and while Gabe's paying - his treat! - I head out to the car... only to discover *SHITSKITTLES* the doors are locked. With my keys (cell phone, money, ID, etc. etc.) in the car.

I never lock my car door. In fact, as I type this my car is sitting outside unlocked with the keys inside of it. Call me stupid, but unless I'm in the city or a sketchy part of town, I don't lock the door. Definitely not for a 5 minute stop at Subway.

Well, Gabe felt pretty bad. Yes, my 14 year old brother locked me (us) out of the car over an hour from home... past my bedtime... in Arlington. You may have heard of Arlington as I'm pretty sure it was in the news recently when a man suffered fatal injuries after having sex with (being penetrated by) a horse. Yes, this confuses me too.

Anyway, Subway Boy said he might have a SlimJim to get my car open. When I think SlimJim, I think:

Apparently, a "slimjim" is actual a tool that criminals use to break in to cars. Why Subway Boy had one... well, I didn't ask.

I told him to give it a go, but he clearly didn't have much practice with it - good boy - so I called AAA. And by I, I mean Gabe, because I did not have my trusty BB with me (for shame!) and I am about as useful a chocolate teapot with his alien music touch phone thinger.

They tell me it's going to be an hour, so I tell them I am going to cry. Seriously. I said that...

I said, I'm going to cry if it takes an hour because I have nothing but a t-shirt on (I forgot to mention pants - oops!) and it is cold out and we're hours from home and there's nowhere to go...

A little exaggeration never hurt anyone....

So, AAA calls back to tell me they have a closer company who'll be here in 10. I Win!!!

Less than five minutes later, a tow-truck rolls up and Mountain Man, with a cigarette hanging from his mouth, jumps out and immediately gets to work on the car. No hi, how are you, who are you. Nada. Mountain Man finishes the job before his cigarette (and strangely I never saw him remove it from his mouth to exhale the entire time... this must be a finely developed skill... quite impressive).

And we're off.

But not before Subway Boy tells me, "Be sure to come back next week, it was great to meet you."

Well, I guess if things with Joe don't work out, I know I have options!

must see: the earthlings

DISCLAIMER: the bottom of this post contains disturbing images. there is a warning before that section of the post, if you do not wish to see.



have you heard of the documentary "earthlings"?

image source.

apparently it was released in 2005, but i never heard about it, until i read an article in the seattle p-i about the mistreatment of the elephants at woodland park zoo and saw a reference to earthlings in the comments section.

i watched the trailer online...



okay, i lied. i watched about half the trailer online, until i got to the part showing dogs, raccoons and foxes skinned alive in china for their fur, and i felt like vomiting. it was horrifying and disturbing. the images of animal cruelty, abuse, slaughter...

it wasn't that i didn't know this is a sad reality of the world we live in. it's just it's so easy to ignore. bury my head in the sand, so to speak.

anyway, i knew i had to watch earthlings.

i ordered it on netflix, and it sat on my coffee table for 6 days, daring me to watch it.

finally last night, with butterflies in my stomach, i put in the dvd, and cuddled up on the couch with bondi as my little spoon, and pressed play.

it was beyond disturbing. profoundly grotesque.

and i think you should watch it!

i know, i know. you will say "you can't bear to watch it" it's too awful. blah blah blah.

~*~this is me on my soap box~*~ if you eat bacon and eggs for breakfast, and steak for dinner... if you wear cute patent leather shoes and carry a lovely coach handbag, if you have a designer dog (or any dog), if you've ever been to the zoo or the circus or the rodeo, if you live on this planet we share with non-humans... you owe it to yourself to be informed.

~*~this is not me preaching~*~ telling you what decisions to make for your life. i do not judge you for your choices.

~*~i will not lie~*~ i eat chicken and turkey and eggs and milk and cheese. i wear leather.  

i am just as complicit in the torture and suffering of animals as the next person. and that is exactly what it is. torture and suffering. but i know... and i choose.

i choose not to eat mammals.

i choose to adopt my dogs from the shelter.

i choose to volunteer at sarvey.

i choose not to support seaworld or the zoo.

i choose to support defenders of wildlife.

and...

i choose to share this powerful documentary with you.

fyi: you can watch the whole movie documentary online here: www.earthlings.com

here is a summary (from wikipedia):

EARTHLINGS is a multi-award winning feature length documentary about humanity's absolute dependence on animals (for pets, food, clothing, entertainment, and scientific research) while illustrating our complete disrespect for these so-called "non-human providers." [...] the film is narrated by two-time Academy Award nominee Joaquin Phoenix and features music by the critically acclaimed platinum artist Moby. [...]

With an in-depth study into pet stores, puppy mills and animal shelters, as well as factory farms, the leather and fur trades, sports and entertainment industries, and finally the medical and scientific profession, EARTHLINGS uses hidden cameras and never before seen footage to chronicle the day-to-day practices of some of the largest industries in the world, all of which rely entirely on animals for profit. Powerful, informative and thought-provoking, EARTHLINGS is by far the most comprehensive documentary produced on the correlation between nature, animals, and human economic interests.

Phoenix has commented on the documentary that, "Of all the films I have ever made, this is the one that gets people talking the most. For every one person who sees EARTHLINGS, they will tell three."

consider ~this~ me telling three.

here is what people are saying who watch the earthlings:

"earthlings is the definitive film of all time that americans don't want to see."

"for those who watch the earthlings, the world will never be the same."

"earthlings is nothing short of a masterpiece"

"it is a rare experience to be changed by a film. earthlings has that power."

"the most powerful movie i have ever known."

WARNING: Below is a preview of certain disturbing images in the movie. 
DO NOT SCROLL DOWN IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO SEE. 

images courtesy of google "earthlings" images