in which i do not talk about pee, poo or toilets...

MCW says all my posts lately have been about poop and pee and other gross stuff. Well no more of that shit stuff, I promise! I WILL NOT speak of such disgusting things in this post.. seriously. But I got lots of other stuff to say, so here goes...

Joe and I recently moved to a new house... not the one with the creepy sex offender neighbor. This place has a big ol' front yard for Mister Bondi, wood floors, a fireplace. Good times. We managed to convince the landlord that no non-refundable pet deposit (aka pay $500 to have a dog) was unnecessary since Bondi is so well behaved. Well it was a little awkward when we pulled up to the house to unload our first truck of stuff and Bondi hopped out right.in.front.of.landlord and ran to the first pile of dog poo and covered himself in it.

... oopsies I already mentioned poo, but I mean.. "dog poo" is NOT as bad as people poo, so whatevs.... sorry. won't do it again. anywhoodles...

Moving is a bitch... and we have still yet to unpack everything. Our second bedroom now is the designated room o' crap we are too lazy to haven't had time to put away. Can you find the puppy?

Joe and Bondi are quite comfortable in the new place. Can you tell they like each other?

So as I was saying, the new place is great. Big front yard, fenced side yard for the dogs - did I say dogs? I meant dog.. really, we're not getting another dog... truly - and lots more space.

Well it's not all sparkles and unicorns... as we quickly learned that we are not alone in the house. I should've been suspicious when the bird feeder I put out the first night we moved in was almost empty the next morning... and we had seen nary a starling. Well, on night two I woke up sometime around 3:00am to the sounds of gnawing and scurrying.

Joe... do you hear that?

<<mumble grumble>> Hear what? Go back to sleep!

THAT. <<chomp.chomp.pitter patter pitter patter. chomp. chomp. chomp>>

Oh yes, we have company... rodent company. As in, we have rats in the walls. More on that later, but I will say nothing turns me on more than the sound of scurrying rats when I'm in bed.

We also have one of these that does his thing from approximately 6am-9am right outside our bedroom window.

Such a noisy fucker beautiful bird!

I was off to New Orleans... just a few days after we moved in. I work for the family company which involves several times a year going to hardware tradeshows.

There are lots of perks to working for the family biz. Namely, I get to make my own hours and bring Mister Bondi to work with me. (Warning: here comes the sap). Perhaps the best part, though, is being able to spend so much time with my family. My parents work their freakin' asses off for this company, and they rarely take vacations. (Their 2-night getaway to Schweitzer with Joe and I was a huge deal for them...) So, going to tradeshows sometimes turns into a mini family vacation.

Usually my dad and I (along with another sales rep) go to most of the shows together, and just in the past year or so we've been to a hockey game in Atlanta, done the New York New York rollercoaster and learned to play craps in Vegas, and most recently frequented amazing jazz clubs on Bourbon Street. We saw this 500 lb dude sing his heart out one night last week.

 I desperately wanted to tell him to go on Biggest Loser, but I refrained myself. *good girl*

One of the best nights in NOLA went to the Ace Mardis Gras "Party with a Purpose" - it was a charity event with dinner, OPEN BAR, and live entertainment. At one point the host asked for several girls to join him on stage to help out with a Tina Turner number. My dad (seriously, I swear he did) insisted that I do it... I wasn't so sure, as I had only had one adult beverage and the thought of humiliating myself standing up on stage in front of 3,000 people, most of whom were prospects or existing accounts, did not sound like a fun time.

Somehow I was coerced into doing this though... and what I thought was going to be some sort of "Rolling on the River" sing-a-long turned into a full on Girls-Gone-Wild style dance competition including a very older woman who pulled her thong out of her pants. WTF??

I behaved though. Really. The wildest I got was swinging my Mardis Gras beads over my head and throwing them into the crowd. Too bad so sad most hardware folk are technologically challenged, otherwise I would be sharing a YouTube video of my ridiculously horrid dance performance. These pics from my dads phone will have to suffice.

You get the idea. Anyway...

It was good to come home. Bondi is a total mess when I'm gone... like OCD to the nth degree. He is already a ridiculously neurotic pup... (click thru "neurotic pup" to see him hiding in the tub!) and when his routine changes he goes a little bonkers. When I leave him at my mom's that usually involves him repeatedly locking himself in the storage closet downstairs... for reals. And this last time, he decided to bite all the hair off his bum.

It's slowly healing, but we may have to break out the cone if he doesn't knock.it.off.

Since it's Friday... I'll leave y'all with this precious pic of my pup from last night.

*no words*

Hoping to be back to my regularly scheduled musings, funnies and other garbage next week...

rainbow parties??

So 13 year old brother comes home the other night and tells my mom all the cool kids are having "rainbow parties" and he's not invited.

How this kid is not "cool" I have no idea:

8th graders are like pirhannas, or termites, or some vicious grotesque cannibalistic animals... that's for certain. I can't believe some of the shit they post on FB.. but I'm getting off track. Back to "rainbow parties"

What are they? Oh, please... let me explain.

A rainbow party is when several "cool" girls where lipstick according to the colors of the rainbow: We're talking ROY-G-BIV lipstick. Then.. they give the appointed "cool" guy a rainbow on his PENIS!!!!

SERIOUSLY???

First of all, WTF??? What is wrong with children today? And yes, I consider 13 year old children.

Secondly, logistically speaking I'm stumped. We're talking a 13 year old boy here. How is his penis even large enough to accomodate the ROY-G-BIV rainbow??

Thirdly, THANK GOD my brother isn't a "cool" kid.

And when I have kids, I'll be certain to warn them of these rainbow parties.

Scratch that. If they're girls they'll be under lock-and-key. Save that girl on girl stuff for college, thank you very much.

And nobody looks good in green lipstick.

the poopy part of san francisco

We spent the weekend in San Francisco. It was mostly all sunshine and rainbows :-) Delicious food and drinkys, swanky hotel, lots of walking, window shopping, and people watching...

... But some of the trip was pretty poopy... quite literally.

I haven't decided if this is even funny or not, but it is most definitely gross. Consider yourself warned. OK, here goes...

So it all started when Joe and I were looking at renting a condo from a lesbian couple who were originally from San Fran. We asked them to recommend some "non touristy" places to check out, and they suggested Polk Street. I distinctly remember they said be sure to avoid *some part* of Polk Street, which I wrote down on a little piece of paper that I promptly lost.

Well, Saturday morning Joe and I are feeling all spontaneous and decide to head to Polk Street.

We're hip. We're cool. We're fresh. We ain't no tourists!

So we start walking south on Market Street... and walking... and walking... Now we're at Polk.

"Joe, seriously stop pulling that map out every few seconds... you'll blow our cover!!!!"

I'm so distracted by chastising Joe for his excessive map consultation that I hardly notice there are now bars on all of the windows.

We pass a smoke shop, a strip club, a liquor store, a condemned vacant  building, the 57^th homeless person, a woman with oozing open sores all over her body moaning loudly in the threshold of a doorway...

We're REALLY in a bad part of town now. WTF... There was no warning on the map that said ghetto??

And then my tummy starts hurting. Bad.

Maybe I'm just sick to my stomach from the Crack & AIDS in the air feeling incredibly disturbed by all the sadness?? Nope.. that's not it.

"Umm, Joe... I need to use a bathroom."

"Well, honey..." (He pulls out his handy SF map for the seventeenth time.) "We have less than a mile until it should start cleaning up and then we can stop for lunch and use a bathroom."

"Umm, Joe, I have about 2 maybe 3 blocks in me."

Shit! There's nothing around... Now if I just had to #1, I would happily pop a squat in an alley with the rest of the San Fran homeless population.

*When in Rome* right?

However, I do not poopy in alleys.

Joe's walking faster than me now and almost doesn't see me duck into the Taco Bell on the corner. No, not because I am craving a 7-Layer Burrito. I have to go like right meow. I ask the cashier to buzz me into the bathroom. He informs me I'll have to use the men's room because the women's is "out of order".

Whatever, I'm not scurred. I've done my thing in plenty of men's rooms before. I open the door to the bathroom and immediately regret touching the door handle.

The overwhelming stench, OMG... There are blue plaid boxers in the trash... covered in shit. There is literally CRAP smeared all over the walls and there are turds... multiple pieces of human poop... on the floor. In fact, I just stepped on a piece of poopy.

Oh, my poor UGGS!!


You have got to be shitting me!

And the women's restroom is "out of order"?? WTF. What could possibly be worse than THIS?? I mean, short of someone having an abortion in there and clogging the toilet with the fetus, seriously.

I consider running away. Far, FAR AWAY. But then I realize that I probably won't make it without my undies ending up in a garbage somewhere.

I would be lying if I said I didn't seriously contemplate pooping on the floor. Really, it wouldn't have made any difference in the level of filth. However, I play the dodge the human feces game - like Hop Skotch, only more precarious - on my way to the toilet where I proceed to thank my lucky stars for CrossFit.

Yes, I'm an excellent squatter. Not even any splash-age, (thank God!)

No, I will not touch anything in this restroom, not even a seat cover (not that there were any to speak of)...

TMI yet?

Umm okay, I'll skip the rest of the shitty details. mwahahahaha.

But for your future reference, here is a little guide I made for you illustrating the Poopy Part of San Francisco:

*Made in Paint, yes I am skilled... cuz Photoshop is on my laptop for elitists. Click to enlarge and appreciate all the glorious details.

You're welcome.

Anyway, the rest of the day was all sparkles and rainbows and sunshine! Seriously. But this stuff is not nearly as exciting as a poopy Taco Bell.

Joe's "Crab Shack" at Fisherman's Wharf.

Homeless man "fishing" for change from a trash can.

Yes, I took a picture.

Funky car parked downtown.

PS: In case you were wondering, we have since learned that it is "not safe" south of California on Polk. I mean, for future reference and all... cause we just spent two hours of our life there last Saturday. No worries, we survived. It was a poopy adventure wonderful time. I would highly recommend it. To anyone.

love thy neighbor

Background Info: Our apartment lease is up in a couple weeks, so Joe and I have been looking for a house to move to... with a yard... so we can get Mr. Bondi a little brother/sister that Joe will insist on naming "Homie"... which I think is the worst name for a dog ever, but I digress. 

We just found a place that is dirt cheap - I won't even tell you how cheap cause I don't want to make any Manhattanites cry. And really, it's perfect for us - well, except for the fact that it's really a really old house and has a strange odor, a little bit like what I imagine crack would smell like, and umm... then there's the sex offender neighbor and the stuttering landlord.  

Red flags? No, we'll just work around these little issues. So Say I.  


Friend:  did i hear you and joe signed a place??

me:  not yet

we did FIND a place though

and we are meeting tonight to potentially sign

Friend:  sweetness - where's it at?

me:  need to determine if the neighbor is a level i sex offender or just a sex offender "dabbler"

i'm gonna knock on his door and bring him cookies 
Friend:  and children?

haha sorry bad joke

me:  no seriously, on the king county sex offenders list, the address DIRECTLY next door is listed as sex offender, so i studied the pic and im gonna go knock on the door - check him out.

Friend:  haha creeepy

me:  WELL... the landlord legit said on the phone to me, "there's just the problem of the neighbor. he's a little cranky. But if he gives you any problems, just call us and we'll get a restraining order"

WTF

Friend: uhhhhh

me:  but actually the landlord stutters, ALOT, so it was more like, "we-e-elll thah-ah-rrS ju-ju-just the"

me: So maybe we just have a cranky neighbor and then somewhere close by a sex offender. Probably best if the cranky neighbor is the sex offender, that way we kill two birds with one stone?
Friend:  hahahah

me:  place is right behind kangaroo and kiwi pub..

like 2 blocks from greenlake on 99

it is an OLD house

but has a lot of character

each room has different color walls haha

big basement with space for beer pong, etc.

and if i felt so inclined, i could decorate it really vintagey

Friend: i'm a big fan of old houses - i think they have a lot of character missing from today's housing

me:  yeah.. well theres the problem of no dishwasher but joe fancies himself a handyman and thinks he's  gonna install one :-)

im going to point and laugh.

So here's what I got:

***LOCATION                               

PROS: Easy access to freeway for commuting, 2 blocks from Greenlake, Across the street from my favorite Pho restaurant, stone's throw from one of my favorite pubs, and directly next door to a great pizza place. On second thought, that might be a con.

CONS: Directly next door to a pizza place, "cranky neighbor" that we potentially need to get a restraining order against?, sex offender neighbor possibly (hopefully) same person as cranky neighbor.. But since little kids don't like cranky men, probably he wouldn't have been a very successful sex offender. So probably not. Oh, and if you're thinking he might not have been a 'child molester' sex offender, he was. I saw.. on the creepy and addictive find a sex offender near you site.

***LANDLORD

PROS: Lives over an hour away.

CONS: Has serious speech impediment. Conversations take 3x longer than humanly necessary.   

***HOUSE

PROS: Spacious, new carpets, big rooms, big basement, washer and dryer...

CONS: Smells funny, possibly like crack. Not that I would know. Every room has different color walls. No dishwasher. 

Thoughts??  Besides the obvious, that I have Mad "Paint" Skillz. Have you ever tried to use that program? It is less user-friendly than those grocery store Self Checkouts. I think I'll stick with Photoshop.

does anyone read friday posts??

...because my thought is whenever I hit "publish" on a Friday, approximately three people will read it, including my mom. I forgive you, though, if this gets the "Mark as Read" - just sayin...

Anywayyy, I am NOT a morning person. Especially when I find gray hairs. Like this morning. TWO.

Tweezers please!!!

Do you ever run into people in the morning who are all chipper and perky and just feel annoyed?? Well I do, pretty much anytime I encounter one of these so-called "morning peeople" until 11:30am or so...

For example, this morning - after finding said gray hairs - Bondi and I are headed to the car when Miss Apartment Manager (M.A.M) uber-excitedly intercepts us in the foyer. Seriously, she must have had about 12 cups of coffee with happy pills.

M.A.M.: OOoohh, it's KLONDIKE!!!  His coat is soooooo gorgeous!!
Actually his name is Bondi. Whatever.
ME: Grumble.grumble.
M.A.M.: What do you feed him to make him so shiiiiiineeeyyy????
BTDub, at this point she is squealing. And ba-geezus, do you really want me to go into this??
ME: Dog food.

Actually, that's a lie. I just WANTED to say dog food. I actually mumbled a quick response and walked out the door mid-sentence calling "Have a nice day!" as an afterthought. **PHEW**

Anywayyy, it is Friday night and I am at home with Shiraz (yup, that's code for Yellow Tail :-) doing this while Mr. Joe is having "boy time". He just texted me to say he's coming home and I said 'Don't worry about it, I'm blogging' and you know what my silly Blackberry Bold on T-Mobile did?? It CHANGED "blogging" to "logging". The nerve!!!

Seriously? What decade are we in? Do people really use the gerund (oh, yes i did say gerund!) "logging" more than "blogging"? Why thank you, Blackberry, you're so much smarter than me!!!

*WTF* How is "blogging" not in the dictionary of a mobile phone in 2010? C'mon Blackberrry/T-Mobile. Get it together. Be professional.

PS: There are a shit-ton of other words the BB always changes on me while texting, but they're escaping me right meow. Must be el vino :-) Does this happen to you?

oh, college (weekend)

Well Hello, blogger friends!!! I don't know about everyone else, but it has been a CRAZY week... so hard to find the time to catch up with y'all!!!

My weekend was quite eventful... actually, exhausting. Far too much making party... but it was fun. But it's Tuesday Wednesday, and I'm still exhausted, and most definitely coming down with something. However, we had some a-mazing times. I think it was worth it... you guys can decide for yourself.

FRIDAY was my friend Digga's 30th Birthday Party, hosted at Q Cafe with a BLACK and WHITE theme (so much fun!!!). It was only $20 for 4 hours of OPEN BAR (yes, seriously!) with yummy food, cupcakes, kegs, wine, cocktails, and about 70 of his closest friends. Doesn't get much better than that!!!

Here I am with a few of my girlfriends:

Here's a better close up of my dress, which I found at Loehmann's for $49, marked down from $158. Score!!! :-) 

The open bar ended at midnight, so we all headed out to Rob Roy in Belltown. At this point there were still about fifteen people from the party, including my friend Jen, Ashley, Joe and I.

Well... umm... we closed down the bar. Good work. THEN four of us (Joe and I included) made our way to my apartment where we planned to crash... when it was like FATE.STEPPED.IN and we got in the elevator with four peeps who were heading to a CHRISTMAS PARTY on the 5th Floor at 2:15 AM. Anyone see where this is headed?

College Late-Night!!!!

Umm, yeah. Somehow I convinced Joe and our two guests that "we were invited" to this party on the 5th floor, and we should TOTALLY go... because OMG it would be fun. (For the record, we were NOT actually invited.) Umm yeah.... so we crashed a stranger's Christmas party. Seriously.

BTW remember I am wearing a party dress (we all were in Black Tie attire) so I'm feeling pretty fun. Did I mention I love dress up? :-) 

I promptly sit down around a table of 7 people... they are clearly like who the f* is this? And this little chihuahua jumps up in my lap... I'm not a little dog person, but the dog is more interesting than the people, and I'm flattered the dog joins me, so I'm petting it. Then some snatch-face chick (apparently toy dog's owner) doesn't like this, and desperately grabs the dog from my lap.

Snatch-Face: My dog does not like you.

Me: That's not what she told me... (REALLY, I said this!)

Snatch-Face: Well "Princess" is very particular..

Me: Well maybe you should stop treating your dog like a toy.

*awkward silence*

After that, things got much better. I actually made friends, haha... although I probably could have gone without trying to convince the host that he should let me go get Bondi...

"He's just right downstairs. I SWEAR you'll LOVE him, and he won't eat Princess!!!"

Finally around 5 AM everyone else started having a "Kumbaya" guitar session and apparently we were interrupting the peace and love jam... or something That is when we were escorted out, literally.

All in all, the fact that we crashed a party and weren't made to leave until almost 3 hours later... well I consider that a TOTAL WIN!!!! :-)

SATURDAY we had no real plans... one of our girlfriends came over and the Joe, her and I ended up going to get Brunch (around 2 PM!! does that still count?) at Buckley's. The Duke-Gonzaga Basketball game was on so there was nowhere to sit, except this one table next to a bunch of kids wearing Duke shirts who were "saving the table" in a packed restaurant for their friends that weren't there yet. (RUDE?)

Anyway, I'm not crazy for my alma mater, remember? But I thought, "let's not cause a fight now". So in my most sweetest hungover voice I said, "Does it make a difference if I went to DUKE?" And guess what, it did!! This shouldn't be a surprise, since Duke peeps are so.much.better. than everyone else. Whatever, I went with it... we got our table.

Well this is freakin' crazy: The guys in the Duke jerseys say they recognize me... asked me what year I was... etc. We went through the whole name-game (name-dropping: a favorite activity of Dukies..) Turns out my roommate Lucy and I "worked" their DTD progressive when he was rushing. Basically that means we dressed up slutty and hazed rushes... made them drink...etc.

Umm, I barely remember going to this party, but not only did this guy remember... he pulled up a freakin' picture of it on his iPhone. I kid you not!!!

Then these texts (not altered for grammar) transpired between 3 or so-mimosas deep me and my Duke roomie Lucy:

Me: Dude I'm at a bar for mimosas and brunch (at 3 ahah) and ust ran into a bunch of dukies that apparently live here and omg one of em said u and lucy worked my room at teh dtd party he was a rush 08. Apparently we made a lasting impression cuz he said u guys stayed awhile and then left to go to another party hahhahahaha
Lucy: hahahah yea we left to go to delta sig I think. can't believe we made such a lasting impression.

Umm, so I just found on Facebook, the pic the guy pulled up on his iPhone looked something like this...

...which I thought was hilarious and promptly showed Joe. PS - notice Bondi in the background? Yup, he has always come everywhere with me! :-)

Oh, college.

Anyway, the rest of the afternoon/evening continued to be very college, and went something like:
Pyramid Brewery. Airport trip to pick up sister (no driving for me though!). Pyramid Brewery, again. Crashing another Christmas party, except we were *kinda* invited this time. Playing Foosball - so much fun. Getting tipsy butt kicked at Foosball. Drinking a random concoction of Christmas beverages.. gross. Staying out way.too.late. again.

And then SUNDAY I went to the Hawks Game with my girl Ashley!!! She invited me and it was so.much.fun. The seats were ridiculously amazing, see:

It was an amazing time!! I will just say that, without any more details :-)

'Twas a very fun, very college weekend. But I think I have realized... much body is just too old for so many beverages and so little sleep.

happy holidays. ditto.

Two years ago I had a Christmas Tree in my apartment. It was just a lil' guy, and it was fake. But it was festive!! I decorated it with red and green strings from Bondi's rope chew toys... they were falling out all over the apartment so I figured, what the heck?? They look like ornaments!! I know, right? WTF. My roommate and I left it up until March... maybe April. And then one day I came home and it was gone. I think Jamie must have decided "Enough is enough."

I had a Christmas tree in college once too... My friends and I picked out a "Charlie Brown" tree.

image source.

It was only $20. That was about all we could afford. We decorated it with empty Busch Light cans. Seriously. It was beautiful and I loved it!!!

Joe and I don't have a Christmas tree this year. It's not that I haven't asked nicely.... I have. It just hasn't happened. Currently, all of our presents have taken over Bondi's dog purple dog bed, next to his big ol' basket of dog toys and the purple stockings hanging from our faux-fireplace. It is what it is.

Anyway, I'm kind of sad about the whole.. no Christmas tree thing. But when I saw this "Holiday Lighting Win" in my Fail Blog RSS Feed, it made me smile. Sooo I'm sharing with y'all!

image source.

There are some copy cat (or who knows, maybe the originals?) Holiday Light Fail Win images floating around the InterWebs too... I found the ones below here.

Anyway.... HaPpY HoLiDaYs!!! :-)

another year older

I apologize for the major blogging hiatus, but I have been seriously busy!

Last Thursday there was Thanksgiving with family and friends, and then on Friday Joe and I rushed off (quite literally, I got a $175 speeding ticket on the way-boo!) to spend an amazing weekend with his family in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. (Pictures to come!)

No sooner had I unpacked from Idaho (okay - who am I kidding? I still haven't really done that yet!) then I had to leave bright and early Monday morning for Kansas City for a tradeshow for work. I got home late Wednesday night and spent the evening catching up on blogs...
...and yesterday was my 26^th Birthday!!!


The day started as any other day. I didn't feel any older... that is, until I noticed four little gray hairs on my head!! Fabulous. Where are the tweezers??? Yup, I plucked 'em out. I realize I can't go on doing this forever, but I have never dyed my hair before, and I would really NOT like to start now.

When I got home from work, Joe had a few lovely presents waiting for me. It was quite clear he had wrapped them himself :-) The wrapping gets an "A" for effort.

Side note: I always feel so awkward opening presents - is this just me?

Anyway, Joe got me this amazing Helly Hansen Baxter Bomber Hat:

image source.

alternate view. HOT BOY.

image source.

What a sweet boyfriend... to replace my favorite "Idaho Hat" I traded for a veggie dog... remember?

I have to say, this new one is much nicer than my $4.95 Value Village steal!

I also got some sexy Victoria's Secret shtuff... but umm, no pics for ya! I'm thinking I'm going to be getting Joe some sexy Victoria's Secret stuff for his birthday... since that makes more sense to me ;-) JK... sorta.

After presents time, we were off to The Pink Door, a cozy gem in Pike Place Market's Post Alley. We had 8:30 reservations, but weren't worried when we arrived around 8:40, since there were still at least three open tables in this quaint dining room:

 

The annoying hostess - she was actually annoying to me before she even spoke (I feel this way sometimes) - tried to seat us in the loud and crowded lounge, where we wouldn't have been able to have any semblance of conversation. We asked why we couldn't sit in the dining area and annoying hostess said they had only 2 servers with 8 tables each (never mind there fact there's no way there are 16 tables in the tiny dining area).

Say whaaat?? This is a 4* restaurant. Maybe you should hire another server?? Then annoying hostess told us if we had been there at 8:30 she could have seated us in the dining area, but because we were late we'd have to sit in the lounge. My "you're a dumb ass" alert went off... because I'm pretty sure if we had gotten there ten minutes earlier, we'd still be having dinner with one of the servers that apparently was too busy for another table at 8:40. Whatever.

Joe is such a problem solver, though. He suggested we get a glass of wine across the street and come back at 9:15 when some of the tables had cleared out. Annoying hostess said, fine.. great.

Except... when we came back at 9:15, annoying hostess said in such a non-sincere apologetic voice "Sorryyyy... our dining room is closed. We're doing renovations tonight so you'll have to eat in the lounge." WTF. No thanks.

So we left and went to one of our favorite local spots, Cutters Bay House:

 

image source.

We had lovely food, drinks and conversation. Then we went home and watched Private Practice (one of my favs!) and that was that.

Now I'm 26. With gray hairs.

tuesday WTF truthisms

Just got an e-mail from my friend Carly. Mass emails are sometimes entertaining, but wow. This one is FUNNY!!! And I just had to share with y'all.

Now I don't know if Carly came up with these or just passed it on, but these little random thoughts / WTF moments are SO TRUE!!!

Here goes:

Here are some random thoughts that have crossed everyone's mind at some point in time and i felt the need to finally share my WTF moments with you all ;)

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

3. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

4. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

5. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

6. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

7. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

8. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

9. I TOTALLY take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

10. Was learning cursive really necessary?

11. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

12. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.

13. Bad decisions make good stories.

14. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

15. You never know when it will strike,  but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

fun with flat tires

Uggh. What a stressful morning we had today!!! It started last night, actually... As I was driving home from Crossfit, I noticed the car was pulling a bit. But then I decided it was just my shaky arms from a hard CF workout (seriously!) and put it out of my mind.

This morning, I woke up early because Joe had a dentist appointment. I was going to drive him so he didn't have to take the bus. As it turned out, thank God I offered! 

A little background - Joe works downtown so he walks to/from work, and I traded my Explorer in earlier this year in the Cash for Clunkers program, so I've been driving Joe's Subaru until I find a good deal on a used SUV.

Anywayyy, back to this morning. No sooner do we pull out of the parking garage then we hear a horrid clunk.Clunk.CLUUUNK. We pull over to find:

Lovely.

Of course we were already running late, so Joe's stressing, but he quickly gets to work on changing the tire. SEXY! On second thought, it would've been sexier if I'd done it... oh well, there's always next time...

10 minutes later: Spare tire on. Off to the dentist we go. Or not! About twenty feet later the clunk.Clunk.CLUUUNK. is back. Apparently the spare tire is also flat. WTF??!!!

Joe [exasperated] says: "If it's not one thing, it's another!"

So-Say-I: "Actually, it's pretty much the same thing."

NOTE TO SELF ... in the future, refrain from such observations.

Ugh. Anyway, the rest of this story sucks but goes something like this: Tried to inflate said busted spare tire. Called AAA. Cancelled on AAA. Took cab to tire shop. Bought tire. Went back to stranded car. Changed third tire. Drove back to tire shop. Waited, and waited, and waited... while tire shop changed four tires (apparently with AWD you can't just change one?), checked alignment, etc. etc.

$600 and 3.5 hours later, we were on our way. Fun Stuff!!

More Thumb Drama... Boo!!

WARNING -This post is full of pretty boring, angst-inducing medical crap.

So this week has been pretty stressful. As I mentioned earlier, I was bit by a cat and got a nasty infection in my hand. Now it's been about six weeks and I've already taken three full courses of antibiotics (a different one each time). Still can't bend my thumb so on Tuesday I go to my GP Dr.F at Lakeside Family Physicians for the umpteenth time.

Dr.F is really young and I don't think he's firing on all cylinders. First Clue: He told me initially dogs' mouths are dirtier than cats' .. I've never heard this and it may or may not be true but it's pretty irrelevant since stats show you are 10x more likely to develop an infection from a cat bite than a dog bite. (Sad that I know this...)

Another Clue: The second antibiotic he prescribed was Doxycyline, which is a broad spectrum antibiotic not generally used for the treatment of the cat bites... not to mention the fact that I've taken Doxy several times before (which I told him) so it's unlikely to be very effective. My body probably says, "Oh, that again." Stupid, if you ask me. And as I expected, it didn't work.

Anywayyy... so I go to the doc Tuesday and he pretty much says everything is fine, despite the fact that I still can't bend my thumb much and it still hurts like a MOTHER when I bump it on anything. Later in the day I call and request they fax my records to an infection specialist who I'll be seeing from hereon. Lo and behold, Dr. F calls - presumably to cover his ass - and says, "On second thought, we better get an MRI since you're still having pain." Good idea.

So Wednesday I go get an MRI. Let me tell you, NOT. FUN. I've had these before but this was by far the worst, as I had to lay on my stomach for 90 minutes with my arm above my head. Oh, and about half way through they had to inject me with contrast... it only took three stabs for the nurse to find a vein. Fun stuff.

Wednesday afternoon I get a call from Dr.F and he sounds very concerned. He tells me my MRI doesn't look so good (he actually used the word "SCARY") - the infection is in my bone, joints and tendons. Figures. He refers me to a hand surgery specialist and tells me they will want to operate. WHAAATT???

Yesterday, I go see the surgeon. He is surprised at how good my thumb looks clinically, considering how bad my MRI looks. He schedules me for surgery that same day. He explains this is necessary because if the joint is infected, each day that goes by you are losing cartillage. Apparently, in this surgery they open up the thumb, irrigate the joints, try to get as much bacteria out as possible, and do a bone biopsy to culture the bacteria that is causing the problem. This allows them to determine which antibiotic will be most effective.

The surgeon also refers me to an infection specialist (the one I originally made an appointment with) to review my post surgery antibiotic treatment options. I meet the specialist just before I'm supposed to check in for surgery. I ask him if there is anything I haven't tried that might let me avoid surgery. He reviews my history and tells me I can try CIPRO. It has a "pretty good" chance of solving the problem. I obviously prefer this to surgery. He consults with the surgeon and we come up with a plan:

I am going to take CIPRO and Bactrum (two heavy-duty anitbiotics that can get into the joints and bones) for 7 days and reevaluate. If my thumb improves I will continue for the full course. If not, I have to go off of the antibiotics and let them get out of my system (this takes a few days) so the surgical biopsy culture can be accurate.

Long Story Short - My thumb has ~7 days to disinfect itself (please work, new antibiotics!) or its off to the operating table for me.

Wishful Wednesday.. thoughts on Halloween

So I'm a little late on this Wishful Wednesday from Kelsey at The Seattle Smith's ... but as I always say, better late than never!

"I Wish" ...

I was 6 years old and going Trick-or-Treating,

and my costume would be...

 this "Sexy" Pirate Wench.

photo found here.

Okay, just kidding. I picked this costume because I just want to say, WTF???? What is wrong with our society that we are marketing a "Pirate Wench Child Costume" to our youngsters??

Actually, the Consumerist (if you don't read it, I highly recommend...) did a story on this, urging online retailers to remove costumes described as "sexy" and displayed in children's categories. The Examiner also did a piece on the trend of sexing up children and tweens with borderline whorish halloween costumes that leave little to the imagination. Definitely worth a looksy:

"Halloween is a great time for kids to dress up and live out their fantasies and lately girls have been able to live out their dream of really hot and sexy and naughty... Wha? Wha??!! Halloween costumes have gotten out of hand. Gather any group of parents and you'll quickly hear about how the choices of costumes have gone from witch and princess to sexy witch and pouty porn princess."

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm all for sexy Halloween costumes!!! But I am 25. Not 6, or even 12. Come on, Culture/Society/Parents, etc. - Let's not encourage our little girls to wear "sexy" costumes. They have many, many years ahead to do that.

On that note, I know lots of people bitch about how women use Halloween as an excuse to dress as 'sluts' ... but I'm going to refrain from judgement on this one. I say, once you're an adult, you can make your own decision on what to wear... and if you want to dress as a Playboy Bunny, go riiight ahead. (I'm sure you won't hear MEN complaining.)

I myself dressed as a "Dead Baby" last year... not too "PC" but I didn't have to worry about seeing a hundred other girls wearing my costume.

This year, I think I'm going to dress as a Jellyfish. Wear white.. hang some streamers from an umbrella or something.. I don't know. We'll see how that turns out.

And in closing haha.. I would just like to say, what has this world come to?? Sexy DOG Costumes?  Seriously?

 

photos found here.

I'm not gonna lie. I might have wanted to get one for Bondi :-)

My Boy and His Toy

My boyfriend Joe is the easiest person in the world to shop for, not because I have excellent taste (though I like to think I do!) but because he's just like a "tween" at Christmas time, except all year long.

Right now, off the top of my head, I know just a few of the many things he needs wants include a new baseball mitt, a brown belt, and "speed sticks" (these badass Rossignol skis for 'shredding' in chunky Washington snow conditions.) I know this not because I'm incredibly perceptive, but because he's mentioned these these things to me several times.

I don't mind that he does this, because it makes it quite painless for me when it comes time for buying Chistmas/Birthday gifts. And it is kind of cute... invoking this whole, excitable little boy thing...

That is, it WAS kind of cute, until he starting obsessing over a remote control helicopter.

A commercial for an RC helicopter would come on, or he'd see one in a store, and exclaim "OOoooh, I WANT ONE!" At first I thought he was just playing. Hahahah... very funny.

I thought, surely he can't be serious. Surely, this grown man does not want a plastic, made in china, remote control operated helicopter. Flight lessons - sure. RC helicopter - no sir.

But he kept mentioning this 'remote control helicopter' thing. Over. and over. and over. Oh yes, people. He was serious. He truly, madly, deeply wanted a remote control helicopter.

Poor Joe. Several gift-giving occassions have come and gone, and Joe is still without his his dearly beloved toy. Somehow I just can not bring myself to buy this for my 28-year-old boyfriend. Well, apparently he grew tired of waiting, because a few weeks ago he announced that he had finally gotten that closet organizer on Amazon, and oh - forgot to mention - cough.cough. an RC helicopter [pictured below].

Are you kidding me? :)

Joe has become incredibly anxious waiting for his RC helicopter to arrive. We have had 3 packages delivered and each time he collects one and it is NOT his toy, he returns with a dejected - you kicked my puppy - look that cracks me up. He has informed me several times now that he has "already escalated a complaint with PayPal" hahahahahahah SERIOUSLY!!

Fast forward to this past weekend. [This may seem off topic, but stick with me]. Joe is seriously in a hurry to get out of the apartment, as we're supposed to be watching the Idaho-Hawaii game with friends and Joe doesn't want to miss kick-off (again? oops..) This is the super annoying kind of rush factor, where he stands behind me, arms crossed, while I brush my teeth, put on mascara, etc. (And by the way, I am super fast. He doesn't even appreciate just how fast I am. We're talking no hair straightening - just a ponytail, no multiple outfits, no eyeliner, etc. 15 minutes from coffee to the car. MAX.)

So, even though I'm annoyed at having been so rushed, I get ready in what has GOT TO BE record time. We're finally leaving the apartment. Down the elevator we go. Elevator door opens, and who do we see but the Post Man with a big canvas bag of packages.

Joe's eyes light up like a little boy's on Christmast morning. "Hey man. I hate to do this to you, but do you mind checking to see if you have a package for me?"

Nevermind that the world is coming to an end because "we're already behind schedule" blah. blah. blah. Joe patiently waits while Mr. Postman goes through his ENTIRE canvas bag of packages, slow as a snail on codeine.

Five minutes later, there is No RC Helicopter and one very sad Joe.

So there's no real end to this rant, but I will keep you posted on any funnies that occur when the RC helicopter finally arrives. (I'm thinking there will be a few.)

And before I go, I have a question - is it very terrible of me that I have such an "OMG. Seriously?" reaction to my boy's obsession with his toy? Is this just a boys and their toys thing??