lowering expectations

I've been getting shit from some of my blog lovelies about how I never post anymore (though in my defense I'm an avid reader). Usually after not posting for several days weeks, I make a whole lot of excuses about how busy I've been - blah. blah. blah. 

Well, I have been busy. But after thoughtful consideration, I've decided I'm just going to skip the BS acting like I actually post regularly and just say why don't y'all expect to hear from me about once a month or so.. that why when/if I post more frequently you will be all jumping for joy and throwing a party and what have ya!

See what I'm doing? I'm lowering your expectations. I always feel it's better to set expectations low and be pleasantly surprised when they're exceeded than to have high expectations and be disappointed.

That's why birthdays and New Years Eve always suck. Expectations are way too high.

I have been trying to communicate this point to Joe lately, since he's gotten in the habit of setting my expectations too high.

One (PG-rated) example is the subject of when he's going to be home. Say, he tells me he's going to some "networking event" (aka Happy Hour) after work, and he'll be home by 7:00. So, I plan to be home around then so we can catch up, have dinner, relax, etc.

Well, say (hypothetically, of course) that 8:15 comes and he's still not home. At this point I am defintiely a cranky pants.  Actually, in truth, I'm a cranky pants by about 7:30. Come 8:15, the whole "etc." is definitely not going to be happening.

Best to just say "Honey, don't expect me until midnight." That way if he saunters in around 9:00 I'd be so excited I might just do a little jig... nakey...

Probably not, but you never know! Excitement is a funny emotion :-)

Anyway, now that your expectations of my blogging are much lower, let me share with you what I meant to a while back: Adventures in Pumpkin Carving.

It was a good time... minus a little weirdness over the whole - host is a recovering alcoholic and everyone else likes to enjoy a few adult beverages at a "party" - thing.

So obviously it was BYOB. No big deal.

But it was also BYOWG... yes that is BYO wine glass.

Now it's awkward enough bringing your own alcohol to a sober dude's pad... but your own wine glass??? Thank God for keg cups. (Did you know, by the way, that you can fit almost an entire bottle of wine into a keg cup? Just kidding. Kindove.)

There are benefits to this whole scenario too, though, like getting to take home all the leftover pumpkin beer if you're the last people to leave. Wouldn't want to leave any temptations lying around!

Here's the whole group of us...

...and here are our creations... Can you guess which pumpkin is mine??

YES... yes I did.

I wanted to leave my special pumpkin out for the Trick-or-Treaters, but it started to get moldy and collapse on itself. So, what started as a risque pumpkin featuring a sexy (albeit big-chinned) girl engaged in some sexytime turned into a pumpkin featuring a diseased dude sucking leper cock. (I hope I didn't just lose any readers... but seriously that's what it looked like.) 

After the pumpkin carving party, I had no time to mourn the transformation of my love-child because I was off to Orlando for the Ace Hardware convention.

The highlight of this tradeshow is always the Ace Party with a Purpose. I've blogged about it before (remember my Tina Turner wannabe performance at the Mardi Gras party?) but I've been looking forward to this fall's at Universal Studios Island of Adventure sooo stinkin' much I wasn't even (that) sad about missing Halloween celebrations last Saturday.

Given the theme of this post, I probably should not have set my expectations for Island of Adventure so high... but seriously, it was AMAZING beyond expectations. (Universal Studios 1-Boyfriend 0).

Unlimited access to all the coolest rides with NO LINES... AND and open bar! Soooo FUN!

(Sidenote: Rollercoasters + Open Bar = NOT FUN for the 8 year old boy who got puked on by some drunk guy.)

But the BEST PART (besides the open bar, of course) was... OH HELLO the NEW Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

Actually, who am I kidding, Harry Potter World was TOTALLY better than the free drinks. I know, I'm a HUGE nerd. Just call me POTTERPHILE..

Of course, after all my talk of Hogwarts and Hippograffs and Wingardium Leviosa spells and Dementors and Gillyweed and Butterbeer my dad and coworker/friend thought I was a bit loopy. Fair assumption. But if you haven't obsessed over read the books, don't judge.

I assume I wasn't the only one who devoured the books and waited for hours in line for every new movie release because a midnight Harry Potter showing was a rare opportunity to hold hands slash thighs with your Mormon crush in 9th grade.

Just me? Weird.

Seriously, if you have the chance to go, GooOOO!!!!

Flying on a broomstick drunky through a magical world is un-freakin-believably AMAZING.

That is, of course, until the next day if you have to be up by 6AM and in a booth HUNGOVER for 11 hours dressed up on Halloween Eve. Of course, I set my expectations low so it wasn't too terrible. Actually, after a few bottles of water it was kinda fun... as fun as wearing nylons, fishnets, spankies, and a wig in 90 degree weather can be, anyway.

See? That's me, totally having fun. With a crooked wig. I may have still been cross-eyed when I put it on. I hope no one expected us to look really good or anything :-)

love this boy

... even though I bitch about laundry, and often aren't as nice to him as he deserves. He is my person, and my favorite. Just a little about Joe (and me), and a few of the reasons why I am so very lucky to have him in my life:

(1)  We met playing softball on our co-ed team "Smack My Pitch Up!" and, well.. the rest is kinda history. I could tell right away Joe was a good person because he was still fun and supportive even when  I  some girls on the team sucked... He was always carrying the cooler, hitting ground balls to everyone, and generally being a good guy.

* team player, in more ways than one *

(2) He let me teach him how to wakeboard. This was arguably our first "date" (depending on what that even means now a'days....) and he was quite a sport! Didn't even act nervous about me driving the boat...

*spontaneous * fun *

(3) Speaking of driving the boat, he is much better at pulling me wakeboarding than anyone else that comes to mind, and he has skillz, meaning I totally trust he will not run me over and take off a limb. PLUS he looks sexy in a life jacket!! Not an easy feat....

* can handle 350 HP. GRRRrrr *

(4) He is not embarassed when I feel the urge to rock a side ponytail. Very important.

* appreciation of dorky *

(5) If I was lost in the wilderness, I would want Joe around. Not only for the obvious companionship reasons, but also he's quite handy with the whole fire-making, shelter-building, knife-wielding sort of stuff...

* can build a fire *

* resourceful *

(6) Love me, love my dog. And he loves Mr. Bondi.. so much that he would take him out in the middle of the night when there was a foot of snow on the ground when Bondi was sick. That may have been more love for me (and un-love for cranky morning Jenny who hasn't had enough sleep) but regardless.. this one is definitely on my list!

* excellent big spoon, with bondi and me *

(7) Joe is sweet and thoughtful. He likes it when I get "dressed up" and never forgets to tell me so... in orther words... he's a good at giving compliments!!! And PS- it's so easy to take that for granted unless you've been with someone who doesn't do that, and it REALLY sucks. Well, that is not a problem my amazing boyfriend has. SweetHeart. Oh, and I think we clean up well together :-)

* can "vegas" with me - muy importante *

* will wear a suit just so i don't feel over dressed *

Mmmmm.... now I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

That is certainly not all.. but I also certainly need to get some work shit done. Like right meow...

Just thought I'd let y'all know how lucky I am :-)

Wishful Wednesday - Chore!

I Wish... I never had to do

 Doggy Chef Duties again! 

Now most people probably are wondering how the hell feeding the dog is a CHORE... Oh, yes it is!! Wanna know why? See my pup Bondi has a lovely protein-losing enteropathy (intestinal disease) called "Lymphangiectasia" that nearly killed him (remember?), which means he can eat ONLY:

• Rice
• Tofu Potatoes
• Tuna in water
• Chicken breast
• Turkey breast
• Non-fat cottage cheese
• NO (less than 3%) FAT
• NO GLUTEN

Unfortunately, there are no commercial dog foods that meet the above criterion... (and even if there were, I highly doubt they would be palatable to Mr. Bondi) so to keep my dog alive, I get to for cook for him.... three.times.a.day.every.day.for.the.rest.of.his.life.

 bondi's food. really MUCH larger bowl than it looks. the pills are TUMS :)

This involves buying chicken breast and potatoes in bulk... we're talking 50 lbs at a time, which ain't cheap!! (In case you're wondering, our freezer is pretty much filled to the brim with chicken breast at all times, and our cabinet stays full of tuna for whenever we're in a "Bondi Food" pinch.) Then, we either boil or grill the chicken breast 10 lbs at a time and store it in VERY large Tupperware. Thank God for microwaves, because I can cook his potatoes in about 6-8 minutes.

On any given day, Bondi eats:

• 3-6 chicken breasts
• 3-6 potatoes

I KNOW!!! What an OINKER, right???

Special... the vet said to feed him "as much as he wants" because due to his permanent (now manageable) condition, he will always be susceptible to rapid weight loss. (Jealous much? hehe). Oh, and because his diet is pure protein and starch, it's seriously lacking in nutrients. So CAN'T forget the vitamins and - get this - TUMS for Calcium/Magnesium.

ALAS... you see, cooking for Bondi is quite a CHORE and I would be ecstatic to never.ever.EVER do it again. Lucky me, I have an amazing boyfriend who shares Doggy Chef Duties with me, and I get a wonderful (alive) dog who warms my heart:

yes. this is bondi in a box. (my NEW computer box!!!) hehe

PS: This post reminds me, just a few days ago I realized how terribly rotten Bondi's teeth are getting :-(  I was so busy trying to keep him alive for so long, that I didn't even think about his teeth. Without any hard food or bones to keep the plaque and tartar away, his teeth have totally gone to hell in a handbag. Now he has to go in for professional cleaning - possibly extraction! - on Monday.. they'll have to put him under to do this. And I feel SOOOOOooooo terrible for not noticing earlier. Seriously... seriously negligent. So umm, take home lesson... brush your dog's teeth? Uggghh

To participate in Wishful Wednesday, head over to:

The Seattle Smith's!

My Boy and His Toy

My boyfriend Joe is the easiest person in the world to shop for, not because I have excellent taste (though I like to think I do!) but because he's just like a "tween" at Christmas time, except all year long.

Right now, off the top of my head, I know just a few of the many things he needs wants include a new baseball mitt, a brown belt, and "speed sticks" (these badass Rossignol skis for 'shredding' in chunky Washington snow conditions.) I know this not because I'm incredibly perceptive, but because he's mentioned these these things to me several times.

I don't mind that he does this, because it makes it quite painless for me when it comes time for buying Chistmas/Birthday gifts. And it is kind of cute... invoking this whole, excitable little boy thing...

That is, it WAS kind of cute, until he starting obsessing over a remote control helicopter.

A commercial for an RC helicopter would come on, or he'd see one in a store, and exclaim "OOoooh, I WANT ONE!" At first I thought he was just playing. Hahahah... very funny.

I thought, surely he can't be serious. Surely, this grown man does not want a plastic, made in china, remote control operated helicopter. Flight lessons - sure. RC helicopter - no sir.

But he kept mentioning this 'remote control helicopter' thing. Over. and over. and over. Oh yes, people. He was serious. He truly, madly, deeply wanted a remote control helicopter.

Poor Joe. Several gift-giving occassions have come and gone, and Joe is still without his his dearly beloved toy. Somehow I just can not bring myself to buy this for my 28-year-old boyfriend. Well, apparently he grew tired of waiting, because a few weeks ago he announced that he had finally gotten that closet organizer on Amazon, and oh - forgot to mention - cough.cough. an RC helicopter [pictured below].

Are you kidding me? :)

Joe has become incredibly anxious waiting for his RC helicopter to arrive. We have had 3 packages delivered and each time he collects one and it is NOT his toy, he returns with a dejected - you kicked my puppy - look that cracks me up. He has informed me several times now that he has "already escalated a complaint with PayPal" hahahahahahah SERIOUSLY!!

Fast forward to this past weekend. [This may seem off topic, but stick with me]. Joe is seriously in a hurry to get out of the apartment, as we're supposed to be watching the Idaho-Hawaii game with friends and Joe doesn't want to miss kick-off (again? oops..) This is the super annoying kind of rush factor, where he stands behind me, arms crossed, while I brush my teeth, put on mascara, etc. (And by the way, I am super fast. He doesn't even appreciate just how fast I am. We're talking no hair straightening - just a ponytail, no multiple outfits, no eyeliner, etc. 15 minutes from coffee to the car. MAX.)

So, even though I'm annoyed at having been so rushed, I get ready in what has GOT TO BE record time. We're finally leaving the apartment. Down the elevator we go. Elevator door opens, and who do we see but the Post Man with a big canvas bag of packages.

Joe's eyes light up like a little boy's on Christmast morning. "Hey man. I hate to do this to you, but do you mind checking to see if you have a package for me?"

Nevermind that the world is coming to an end because "we're already behind schedule" blah. blah. blah. Joe patiently waits while Mr. Postman goes through his ENTIRE canvas bag of packages, slow as a snail on codeine.

Five minutes later, there is No RC Helicopter and one very sad Joe.

So there's no real end to this rant, but I will keep you posted on any funnies that occur when the RC helicopter finally arrives. (I'm thinking there will be a few.)

And before I go, I have a question - is it very terrible of me that I have such an "OMG. Seriously?" reaction to my boy's obsession with his toy? Is this just a boys and their toys thing??

I Forgot to Mention...

Yesterday, I came home from work and proudly announced to my boyfriend that I had finally started a blog. The conversation goes like this:

JOE: That's great honey!
ME: You wanna see what I've written?
JOE: Of course.

At this point, I was a little surprised, as I didn't expect him to actually be interested. But hey, I thought it was a nice gesture, even if he was faking it! :)

Anyway, so I pulled up my first two stories on his Blackberry and he scrolled through them for a few minutes. Then he turned to me with a puppy dog look...

JOE: Why am I not even MENTIONED in this once??? You have a whole post dedicated to BONDI!
ME: Baby, Bondi has TWO YEARS on you. He's my first man.
JOE: Wow, Jenny.
ME: OK, okayy I'll fix it.

So I delay the start of our NetFlix (best. investment. ever.) while I fiddle around on my Blackberry and add "sweet boyfriend" to my post. This takes almost 15 minutes because my BB has liquid damage and the "B" and "." keys are sticking. I consider substituting "love-slave" (no B in that!) for "boyfriend" but decide against this - do not think Joe would approve. Joe is getting noticably agitated, so I remind him that he's the one that "wanted" to be in my blog.

Well now, Mr. Joe, you have your own post, all to yourself!! And here's a picture for good measure:

OKayyyy, so that's not such a great picture of you, but it's dang cute of Bondi!!!

But seriously, my boyfriend Joe is wonderful and I feel very lucky to have him in my life. He takes super good care of Bondi and me. Here's a couple better pics of the two of us in Cozumel last year, sans Bondi:

That's all for now. Yayy for *almost* Friday!